Bawasan ang KAARTEHAN kung di naman sagad ang KAGANDAHAN/KAGWAPUHAN. Madaling sabihin MAGANDA/GWAPO ka, mahirap naman hanapin kung saan BANDA
A man loses everything due to his drinking habit. One day, he saw empty bottles on his bar, he smashes 3 bottles swearing, “My wife left me because of you! You are the reason I don’t have a job. You are the reason I don’t have kids!”
He was about to smash the 4th bottle but saw it was sealed and full.. So he said, “Stand aside, I know you were not involved..”
A drunk was staggering around the car park of a bar, feeling the roofs of the various cars.
“What are you doing?” asked a fellow customer.
“I’m looking for my car,” said the drunk, “and I can’t find it.”
“How does feeling the roof help you?”
“Because,” said the drunk, “my car has 2 blue lights & a siren on the roof.”
Think about this..
1. If walking/cycling is good for ur health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water & yet remains fat.
3. A rabbit runs & hops & only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing yet lives 120 years.
AND WE ARE TOLD TO EXERCISE!!!
Reality of life:-
When you need ADVICE, Everybody is Ready to HELP you..
but when You Need HELP, Everybody gives You Only ADVICE..
Gandang umaga!
A man from the boondocks enters a resto..
Waiter: Hello, would you like a table?
Promdi: Wait what? Is this is a furniture store?
It used to be that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach..
But now the best way to a man’s heart is how short her mini skirt is.
A wife had a nightmare, woke up, & cried. Her husband comforts her & asks why she cried. She said, “I had a dream that a very rich & handsome man kidnapped me from you.”
Husband: “It’s ok, hon, it was just a dream.”
Wife replied loudly, “That’s why I’m crying.”
A priest was touring biblical sites when he came to a beach & saw a boat with a sign, “TAKE A RIDE TO THE EXACT PLACE WHERE JESUS WALKED ON WATER FOR FREE!” After going to the site, he said to the boat owner, “OK, let’s go back now.”
“That’ll be $500 to go back,” said the owner.
Shocked, the priest exclaims, “Darn, no wonder Jesus got off & walked on water!”
Priest: Next Sunday, I’ll preach about the sin of lying, & to understand it, I want u to read Mark 17.
(d ff sunday)
Priest: How many of you had read Mark 17?
(almost all raised their hands except of a guy who looks like a gangster)
Priest: why haven’t you read what I told u?
Guy: I can’t find Mark 17.
Priest: (smiled) Mark has 16 chapters. Let’s go to my homily on lying!
NEW DRESS CODE IN A COMPANY:
You are advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If you wear Prada shoes and carry a Hermes bag, we assume you are doing well financially and don’t need a raise. If you dress poorly, learn to manage your money so that you can buy better clothes and thus, no pay upgrade needed. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and thus you don’t need a raise.
