A naked lady boarded a taxi. Cabbie looks at her from top to bottom.

Lady – haven’t you ever seen a naked woman?

Driver – No, I’m just wondering where you kept the money to pay me..

MORAL LESSON: Concentrate on your job no matter what happens.. Be professional.. :P

Friend1: Can I use your mobile phone to call my girlfriend?
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Friend: Ya, sure!
Just redial… :-D

Boss: You cannot blackmail me like this?

Employee1: Why is he crying like that?

Employee2: Nothing… I just told him that if he does not increase my salary, I will tell everyone in the office that he has increased my salary…

Guard to death row prisoner before execution:

Guard: any last wish?

Prisoner: yes, i would like to update my facebook status to “Died”.

3 life insurance agents from different countries chatting.

HINDU: when a man dies, we process the claim & deliver the check w/in 24 hours.
CHINESE: When a man dies, we deliver the check the same evening.
AMERICAN: That’s nothing! Our office is on the 20/F of the Chrysler building. A man working on the 50/F slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

Mom: Do your bed!

Son: Why make my bed if I’m going to sleep in it again tonight?

Mom: Why wipe your butt if you’re going to poop again?

A convention of successful entrepreneurs was being covered by a television news team. The young reporter, wanting to hear words of wisdom to inspire viewers, approached a successful looking businessman.
Reporter: Sir, you look like a millionaire.
Businessman: Oh, I have had my ups and downs.
Reporter: What or who is the secret of your being a millionaire?
Businessman: My wife.
Reporter: Really sir? What were you before you met your wife?
Businessman: A billionaire.

A 5 year old boy: I Love You Mom!
Mom: Awww! I Love You Too..!

A 20 year old boy: I Love You, Mom!

MOM: Sorry, I have no money!

A mother texted her son, “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?”

Son replied: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.”

The mother said, “Ok, I’ll ask your sister.”

God to a dying Hindu drunkard.. “What’s your last wish?”

Hindu: “In my next birth I don’t mind have a single tooth but please give me 32 LIVERS..”