Wife: Hon,cno c trixie? Husband: Ah,kabayo un.Ung pnustahan q s karera.. Wife: Ah ganon?Cge,animal k!Sgutin mo telepono 2mtwag ung kabayo! =p hehe..Ü
Wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband when he burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “Careful! Put some more butter! OMG! You’re cooking too many! Too many! Turn them now! More butter! God! Use the salt! The salt! Careful…”
Wife said, “What in the world is wrong, you think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
He replied, “I just want to show you what it feels when I’m driving.”
Patient: Doctor, I desperately want to lose weight.
Doctor: That’s easy, just keep shaking your head, left and right.
Patient: All the time?
Doctor: No, only when someone offers you food!
Son: why are some of your hair white, pop?
Dad: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white..
Son: Now I understand why grandpop’s hairs are all white!
LESSON: Don’t be over smart!
Man: Baby, sometimes I want to call you in the midnight and tell you how much I love you..
Lady: And why don’t you?
Man: Because I hear a voice that stops me from calling you.
Lady: And what voice is that?!
Man: A voice that says “your account balance is insufficient to make this call.”
Pedro met Juan yesterday, and the latter was crying..
PEDRO: why are you crying, pare?
JUAN: Maria borrowed a million pesos from me for facial surgery, and now I can’t identify her!
A miner comes home from work extremely sad. Wife asks why & man replied that mineshaft elevator fell into the pit & killed everyone on it..
Wife: How did you survive?
Man: I went to the toilet to pee.. And when I came back, they were gone. Their families will receive 10 million each.
Wife: Daaaamn! You mean I have lost 10M because you couldn’t hold up ur pee?
Girl lost her iphone, so she calls it, hoping someone would answer.
Boy: Hello.
Girl: Hi, u’re the one who has my fone?
Boy: Yeah, so u’re the owner. Have been looking for you since I found ur fone.
Girl: You’re an angel for looking for me to return my phone.
Boy:.. I’m looking for the charger!
DONA MARY: Anak, instead of taking Loi to the hospital to deliver your baby, why did you take her to see a Dolphy movie?
ERAP: Mama, all babies cry when they are born, and I want my baby to laugh so I took Loi to the cinema!
A boss pulled up in his brand new BMW & employee was admiring it, “Nice car, boss!”
“Well,” the boss said, “Work hard, put the hours in, & I’ll have a better one next year.”
Two bank robbers:
Thief1: let us count the money that we stole, man.
Thief2: dude m tired let’s sleep we will see it in the newspapers tomorrow.
