Funny Text Messages and Funny SMS Quotes

Turn to our funny text messages, text jokes or funny SMS whether old or new, and let in a little sunshine into your day. Our funny SMS jokes and jokes SMS give a good laugh when you’re down. We got a whole lot of funny jokes here.

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Most liked SMS in Funny category

Text Message 2717: Man/wife switch
(9 Facebook likes, 0 comment/s)

A man, sick&tired of work everyday, asked GOD to switch body w/ wife. D next am, man woke up as a woman, cooked, fed family, drove to schol, washed&ironed, went out 4 groceries, balanced chkbook, vacuum, dust, sweep, cooked dinner. After supper, cleaned kitchen. At nite, made love to husband. Next am, he admitted to GOD hs mistake and prayed for a trade back,GOD said OK,BUT U HAVE TO WAIT FOR 9MOS,U GOT PREGNANT LASTNYT!ü


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Funny Links

Text Message 13029: A couple sees a hot girl

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory: Conversations SMS
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Wed, Jan 16, 2013
Time: 12:21 pm

A couple sees a hot girl.

Wife: So big aren’t they?

Husband: Yes!

Wife: Are they artificial?

Husband: I think natural.

Wife: Earrings and Natural?

(Husband became silent.)

Text Message 13023: Prominent lawyer at the Pearly Gate

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Mon, Jan 14, 2013
Time: 4:24 pm

A prominent young lawyer found himself at the Pearly Gate one morning. When he saw St. Peter he protested that at age 35 his untimely death must be a mistake.

St. Peter agreed that 35 seem to be a bit young and promished to check the records.

When St. Peter got back, he told the lawyer, “The mistake seems to be yours, son. We verified your age on the basis of the hours you billed clients and you’re at least 107 years old.”

Text Message 13020: The doctor wrote a prescription for a patient

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Mon, Jan 14, 2013
Time: 4:22 pm

The doctor wrote a prescription for a patient in his usual illegible writing.

Everyday, the patient showed it at the railway counter for a free pass.

Many times, it got him free movies passes and once into an philharmonic orchestra hall.

He got a raise at work by showing it as a note as a note from the boss.

One day he mislaid it. His daughter picked it up, played it on the piano, and won a scholarship to a conservatory of music..

That’s the magic of a doctor’s handwriting. :D

Text Message 13016: Lecture on alcohol abuse

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory: Conversations SMS
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sat, Jan 12, 2013
Time: 12:25 pm

An old man is stopped by the police at 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of the night.

Old man replies, “I’m on my way to a lecture on alcohol abuse and its ill effects as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of the night?”

Old man replies, “That would be my wife.”

Text Message 13015: Lots of Love LOL

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sat, Jan 12, 2013
Time: 12:25 pm

A redneck thought “LOL” means “lots of love” so he texted the following message to his girlfriend:

“You are the only girl in my life… LOL…!”

Text Message 13014: The reason women love military men

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sat, Jan 12, 2013
Time: 12:24 pm

The reason women love military men?

It’s NOT the uniform!

It is because they can cook, clean, iron, make beds and sew, but above all, they know how to follow orders! :*

Text Message 13009: That’s us in ten years

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory: Conversations SMS
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Thu, Jan 10, 2013
Time: 12:28 pm

Sitting in a bar having drinks, a man pointed to a friend two old drunks sitting across the bar from them and said, “That’s us in ten years.”

The friend replied, “That’s a mirror, buddy!”

Text Message 13008: Alcohol bottles

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Thu, Jan 10, 2013
Time: 12:28 pm

Alcohol bottles should have cute little fortunes in the bottom like “Nope, happiness wasn’t in this one. Please try again!” :)

Text Message 13007: Difference between disaster and catastrophe

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Thu, Jan 10, 2013
Time: 12:27 pm

What’s the difference between a DISASTER and a CATASTROPHE?
A DISASTER is like a ship carrying 100 corrupt politicians that sinks…
A CATASTROPHE is when you find out that they
can all swim!!!
Hehehe… ;)

Text Message 13002: Dear weather

Category: Funny SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Mon, Jan 7, 2013
Time: 10:41 am

Dear Weather:

Please stop being so romantic.. We don’t have girlfriends, we have WIVES!

Sincerely,

HUSBANDS :D