Alcohol bottles should have cute little fortunes in the bottom like “Nope, happiness wasn’t in this one. Please try again!” :)
What’s the difference between a DISASTER and a CATASTROPHE?
A DISASTER is like a ship carrying 100 corrupt politicians that sinks…
A CATASTROPHE is when you find out that they
can all swim!!!
A diver is 50 feet below sea level sees a guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another 30 feet and the guy stays with him.
He takes out a water-proof chalkboard and writes, “What are doing, buddy?”
The guy writes back, “Drowning, you idiot!”
Girlfriend: When we get married I want to share all your worries, problems and lighten your burden.
Boyfriend: It’s very good darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet!:*
“What time does the library open?” the man on the phone asked.
“9 am,” came the reply. “And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?” the librarian adds.
“Not until 9 am?” the man asked in a disappointed voice.
“Why do you want to get in before 9am?”
“Who said I wanted to get in? I want to get out!”
Teacher: What is the shape of the earth?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Well, what kind of earrings does your mother wear?
Student: square ones..
Teacher: No, the ones she wears on Sundays..
Teacher: .. Then what is the shape of the earth?
Student: Square on weekdays and Round on Sundays!