The wife was showing off her new boots to husband. “Ohh,” she said, “nice and tight. I feel like I’m wearing my own skin.”
He said after looking at shoe box, “That’s no surprise, they’re made of pig’s leather!”
Text Message 12445: Neighbor stealing underwear
My sexy neighbor came banging on my door one day, and asks, “Have you been stealing my underwear from my washing line?”
“NO! How dare you, what do I want with your CLEAN underwear?
Text Message 12441: A black guy about to rob a shop
A black guy came to a shop and the owner said, “Please… Take anything, just don’t hurt me.”
The black said, “that’s a bit racist!”
Owner: Sorry, I just assumed you were going to rob me.
Black: “Well, I am but you should have at least waited until I’ve got my gun out.”
Text Message 12440: Does that really count as cheating?
Girl: But if I have a boyfriend & I kiss a guy, does that really count as cheating?
Guy: If I punch you in the face with my left fist, but I’m right handed, does that really count as me punching you in the face? :-D
Text Message 12438: If you go to India they will worship you
Man: Honey, I swear if you go to India they will worship you.
Wife: Am I that beautiful?
Man: No, you look like a cow.
Text Message 12426: What do you do on Sunday?
A handsome bachelor boss asks his young secretary: “What do you do on Sunday?”
The secretary cracks a little smile & answers in a flirting, hopeful manner: “Why, nothing Sir!…”
The boss, dryly said: “Well, in that case, allow me to remind you …..
…. that today is NOT a Sunday!!!”
Text Message 12369: The stock market did an incredible turnaround
Man1: the stock market did an incredible turnaround yesterday.
Man2: really?
Man1: yep. a Chinese broker who jumped out of the window of his 20/F office saw a computer monitor on the 11/F did a U-turn
Text Message 12324: You used to give me gifts
Wife: Sweetie, you used to give me gifts before we got married. Why did that change?
Husband: Honey, have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to fish after catching them?
Text Message 12317: A wife invited her husband to a strip club
A wife invited her husband to a strip club for his b’day:
At the club…
Doorman: Hey Jim! How are you?
Wife: How does he know you?!
Jim: We play Golf.
Bartender: The usual Jim?
Jim to his wife: He’s on the Darts Team.
Lap Dancer: The special again Jim?
The Wife storms out madly dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi…
Driver: Hey Jimmy boy,
you sure picked an older one this time. Same Hotel?
Hahahaaaa. Pag minamalas ka nga naman.
Text Message 12305: I haven’t planned my pee schedule
Student: Can I go to the comfort room, ma’am?
Teacher: You should’ve gone during the recess.
Student: I’m sorry, but I haven’t planned my pee schedule.
