Girl: Why did God gave women periods with cramps and men nothing?
Boy: That’s silly! He gave us women!
Text Message 12812: I’m getting you a new car
Husband texted his wife, “Hi babe. I will be late. Pls try & wash my dirty clothes & don’t forget to prepare my favorite dish.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in salary next month & I’m getting you a new car.”
“OMG really?” wife replied.
He texted back, “No! I just wanted to make sure that you got my first SMS.”
Text Message 12811: Easy to get a divorce
Sam: You know what, it’s really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man just says, “I divorce you” to his wife 3 times and it’s done.
Jack: It’s much easier in the U. S. All a man has to say is “Yeah, that dress makes you fat” once.
Text Message 12725: I keep losing my temper & insult people
Morris tells his doctor, “I’m under a lot of stress, & I keep losing my temper & insult people. Help me, doc.”
The doc says, “Let’s see… Can you begin by telling me your problems?”
Replies Morris, “I just did, you no good SOB!”
Text Message 12711: I’m a nurse
“What do you do?” a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. “I’m a nurse.” she replied.
“I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered into her ear.
“That would be miraculous. I work in the maternity ward.”
Text Message 12709: How to become a millionaire?
Man1 – Can I borrow that book of yours “How to become a millionaire?”
Man2 – Sure. Here you are.
Man1 – Thanks, but half the pages are missing.
Man2 – What’s the matter? Isn’t half a million enough for you?:-P
Text Message 12692: You give the money to charity
A boy got a lot of cash from trick or treat. He went to a candy store to buy some. “You should” donate that money to charity”
The boy thought for a moment and said, “No, I’ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity.”
Text Message 12691: New aftershave that drives women crazy
Guy1: Hey, heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
Guy2: You mean the Axe effect, don’t you?
Guy1: No, it’s a new one. It smells of thousand peso bills.
Text Message 12671: My grandpa lived 128 years
A boy in a taxi was eating chocolate, when the cab driver said, “That will ruin your teeth.” The boy replied, “my grandpa lived 128 years.”
Surprised the cabbie asked, “was it because of eating chocolates?”
The boy replied, “No, he’s always minding his own business..”
Text Message 12657: There’s the little girl
A policeman pulled a man over & as he approached the window, he drew his gun & screamed, “Where’s the little girl!”
The man asked, “what little girl?”
The officer aimed his gun & yelled again, “SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!”
The man now in tears said, “I swear I don’t know!
The officer smiled and said, “There’s the little girl.”
