TxtBuff » Adult

Text Message #6675: Senyorita, naging lakatan

dirtyoldman — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:55:23 +0000

Sa tndahan ng saging:
Ale: suki pbili ng senyorita
Tndera: eto o..
Ale: Bkt anlaki?
Tndera: Nadiligan ng viagra e, naging lakatan..!

Text Message #6671: Kissing Pickup Lines

dirtyoldman — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 00:46:22 +0000

Kissing Pickup Lines:

1. Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
2. You know, my lips aren’t going to kiss themselves.
3. I can tie a cherry stem in a knot using only my tongue–wanna see?
4. My friends call me Sugar Lips, wanna find out why?
5. You’re so hot, I could fry an egg on ur head.

Text Message #6659: All medicines have side effects

dirtyoldman — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:23:40 +0000

Be extra careful
All medicines have
side effects….

Only VIAGRA has
front effect.
:-)

Text Message #6640: I don’t recognize my patient by their faces

dirtyoldman — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:27:39 +0000

Woman met her gynecologist in a party & asked him, “Doc, do u recognize me?”

The doc replied, “I’m very sorry ma’am, I don’t recognize my patient by their faces.” :-D

Text Message #6632: When a Rottweiler humps your leg

dirtyoldman — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:36:16 +0000

Q: What do you do when a Rottweiler humps your leg?

A: Fake an orgasm! ;-)

Text Message #6623: Your fly is open

dirtyoldman — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:05:42 +0000

Ways to say “Your Fly Is Open”

1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
3. Your pod bay is open.
4. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
5. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction…
6. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
7. I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts…

Text Message #6621: Anung style?

dirtyoldman — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:04:38 +0000

Anong style kaya ang maganda?
Patuwad?
Pahiga?
Patagilid?
Padapa kaya?
Pwede rin kayang paupo?
Hay naku!

Ang hirap magpatulog ng kuba!

Hoy utak mo.. Berde!

Text Message #6620: Penguin for $5

dirtyoldman — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:04:11 +0000

Guy had only $5 for sex.
Prostitute: “I can only give you a ‘PENGUIN’.”
She pulls down his pants & gives him a blow job. Just as he was about to come, she stops & walks away.
Guy, with his pants at his ankle, waddles after her shouting:
“Hey, what’s a ‘PENGUIN’?”

Text Message #6608: Urinate to keep kidneys healthy

dirtyoldman — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:00:28 +0000

REMEMBER , we have only
1 LIFE – live it well;
1 HEART – take good care of it;
1 SOUL – keep it clean & pre; &
1 SEX ORGAN – USE IT 0FTEN!

Lyk urinate more to keep kidneys healthy! Wahahaha…

Text Message #6607: Different sounds of women’s urine

dirtyoldman — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:59:58 +0000

Different sounds of women’s urine:

SINGLE: i wisssssss x3

WIDOW: i misssssss x3

SPINSTER: plisssssss x3

MARRIED: alwaysssss x3

SEPARATED: bwisssssst x3

Text Message #6604: Turn on the heat

dirtyoldman — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:23:57 +0000

A college had a standing rule that the dorm heaters were not to be turned on prior to a certain date.

There was a year winter reared its ugly head early. Both male and female students complained but were told nothing can be done.

The ladies went to the rescue. They turned a bed sheet into a banner with the message,

“TURN ON THE HEAT OR WE’LL TURN ON THE BOYS!” :-P

Text Message #6602: The size of her BRA

dirtyoldman — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:20:35 +0000

Personality of a female follow the size of her BRA…

30 = Innocent
32 = Calm
34 = Defensive
36 = Sexy
38 = Hot
40 = Aggressive
42 = Beyond Control

Text Message #6594: Inggit na inggit si Mikey kay Noynoy

dirtyoldman — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 23:58:11 +0000

NEWS-FLASH!!! .. inggit na inggit si Mikey kay Noynoy .. wish niya na ma-assasinate daddy niya at mamatay sa cancer mommy niya para ma-endorse siyang Presidente!

MIKEY for PRESIDENT!!!

.. gather 10 million signatures for his wish – pls pass to 12 of ur intelligent frends .. do not break d chain! (“,)

Text Message #6587: Starts wearing his diaper around his head

dirtyoldman — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 01:00:29 +0000

Question: How can you tell if ang batang Bumbay has turned into an adult?

Answer: When he starts wearing his diaper around his head!

Text Message #6583: Gusto ko pa ng matching earrings

dirtyoldman — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:57:50 +0000

Necklace na bigay ni mister, pinagyayabang-

MISIS 1: He was forced to buy it for me kasi nahuli ko siyang nakapatong sa maid namin.

MISIS 2- Terrible!Pinalayas mo na yang maid mo?

MISIS 1- Di pa. Gusto ko pa ng matching earrings, eh. Balak ko pa nga magdagdag ng maid, eh!

Text Message #6582: What’s wrong with Vaseline?

dirtyoldman — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:57:11 +0000

2 gays were looking at a travel brochure.

One of them said, “Let’s try Greece this year!”

The other replied, “Why? What’s wrong with Vaseline?”