A social study has concluded that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is having two men at a time!
In the fantasy…
while the other cleans the house.
Banana Love Cake Recipe Ingredients: 2 whole nuts 1 whole banana 2 strong arms 2 well shaped legs 1 fur lined mixing bowl 4 loving eyes Instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze milk jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top with nuts. Move in and out until batter is well creamed. Sigh with relief, let cool. Do not lick bowl. If cake starts to rise, get out of town, PRONTO!!!:-D
A wife goes shopping with her husband and spots a pair of boots she loves.
The husband says, “No chance love, they’re too expensive.”
Later on in bed, the wife is just falling asleep when the husband tries his luck and places her hand on thigh.
She turns to him and says, “I don’t think so mate. If you’re not prepared to shoe the horse then you sure ain’t riding it.”
The painter tried to concentrate but his attraction for his model became irresistible. He threw down his palette, embraced and kissed her.
She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said, “but I’m not that kind!”
“Actually, I never tried to kiss a model before,” he protested.
“Really?” she softened. “How many have been there?”
“Four, so far,” he replied, “A jug, two apples and a vase.”
A guy is lost driving in the middle of nowhere. Finally, he saw 2 houses. He goes up to the 1st and sees an old lady yanking her breasts and an old man wanking.
He freaked out and went to 2nd house and asks, “what’s wrong with your neighbors?”
The house owner replied, “Oh, that’s the Bondocs! They’re both deaf. She’s telling him to milk the cow and he’s telling her to fuck off!”
Boy: God made the first man and woman, right Father?
Boy: And they were naked in the garden, right?
Priest: Well, yes..
Boy: And God watched them, right?
Boy: So God invented porn, right?
He goes to grocery & sees attractive lady waving at him.
He asks,”Do you know me?
She replied,”I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
His mind travels back to the only time he cheated his wife.
“My GOD! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that i made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?”
She looks into his eyes &
says calmly,”No, i am your son’s teacher!” he.he.he..
To spice things up in the bedroom, a couple swapped roles.
She went to a sex toy shop and got a strap-on. Then she puts it on and she cuddled, kissed and fondled him. Then she went to mount her man.. And he told her to pissed off because he was tired.
Half dressed redneck couple on a couch watching news on TV. The man says, “Lookit them homosekshuls ruining the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one women. Right, darlin?”
The woman says, “Right, Daddy!”
Gone are the days I was a kid when…
Pussy meant CAT,
Sex meant a GENDER,
Dick was a NAME,
Bang was a GUNSHOT,
SCREW was a mechanical part,
CLIMAX was simply an end,
DOGGY was just a dog,
Scissors, wheelbarrow, missionary were just words,
ROD was just an iron..
But now that I’m grownup, I noticed they just sound so weird in public every time I mention them. People say I am naughty..