Sex Text Messages and Sex SMS Quotes

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Text Message 10939: The prison and the prisoner
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BF: Sweet, i'll call your private part "PRISON", mine the "PRISONER". What we will do is put the prisoner in the prison, ok? They made love for 1st time, afterwards BF smiles, GF giggles & said shyly, "swit, the prisoner escaped!" habulin mo at ipasok mo ulit!:-*

Text Message 12345: Quick sex for 1000 bucks

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Thu, Jun 14, 2012
Time: 8:41 am

Management Lesson:

Boss – Let me have sex with u, just one time, I’ll be quick & I’ll pay u 1000 bucks. I’ll throw the money on the floor & before u bend & pick it up, I’ll be done.

-girl likes proposal & calls boyfriend-

BF – it’s ok hon but ask for 2,000 bucks & be quick to pick up the money.

-after 4 hours, BF calls her-

BF – What happened honey?
Girl – the bastard used coins!!

Text Message 12265: I wanted to be inside you

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Tue, May 22, 2012
Time: 2:40 pm

“From the moment I saw you I wanted to be inside you. I love your smell, the way your tongue feels, the way you tighten and loosen, moving as I move… mmmmm…
I love my new shoes!”

Text Message 11950: The power of sex

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Tue, Mar 6, 2012
Time: 9:15 am

THE POWER OF SEX:

> it makes you so religious: oh god! oh my god! jeeesus!
> it gives you your first singing lesson: ummmm, mmmnh, oooooh!
> it makes you a natural competitor: faster, faster baby!
> some women turn into terrorists: scatter it.. destroy it, honey.. show no mercy! just tear it!
> it brings out loyalty: yeah, i love you! you’re the only one for me.. you’re the best!

Text Message 10939: The prison and the prisoner

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Mon, Aug 8, 2011
Time: 10:03 am

BF: Sweet, i’ll call your private part “PRISON”, mine the “PRISONER”. What we will do is put the prisoner in the prison, ok? They made love for 1st time, afterwards BF smiles, GF giggles & said shyly, “swit, the prisoner escaped!” habulin mo at ipasok mo ulit!:-*

Text Message 10675: Put the pill in husband’s coffee

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Mon, Jun 27, 2011
Time: 10:13 am

A 78 year old woman goes to a doctor and gripes that her 84 year old husband doesn’t have any sex drive and doesn’t want to take any pills. The doc gave her a pill and tells her to put it in his coffee.

A week later she returns to the doc who asked her how it went. “He ripped off my clothes, threw me to the table and made mad passionate love to me.”

“Well, why are you so unhappy?”

“We can never go back to McDonalds again.”

Text Message 9071: The egg timer is broken

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Fri, Oct 22, 2010
Time: 6:45 am

A wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast wearing a T-shirt she normally slept in. As her husband walked in, she said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.”

The husband thought to himself “this is going to be my lucky day,” so he embraced her & gave his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said, “Thanks,” & returned to the stove, her shirt still around her neck.

Puzzled, he asked her what was it all about. She explained, “The egg timer is broken.”

Text Message 9022: Let’s play swords

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Mon, Oct 18, 2010
Time: 7:54 am

2 bums sitting on a street curb were bored as ever. Then one of them had an idea, “Let’s play swords!”

“Play swords?” asked the other. “How?”

“Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it’s hard, & we both whack’em together like swords.”

So they did & were running up & down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man came & asked about their actions. When told, the gay wanted to play too.

An hour later, the gay exhausted said. “I’m tired!” He bent over saying, “Kill me! Kill me!!

Text Message 8931: That’s for blowing the sand off my balls

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Thu, Oct 7, 2010
Time: 6:40 am

A man walking down a boardwalk runs into a hooker, and he asks, “How much?”

She says, “A thousand bucks.”

He agrees, they climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her.

The next night, he runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he’s banging her, she has two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her five hundred bucks.

She asks why the extra five hundred, and he replies, “That’s for blowing the sand off my balls.”:-*

Text Message 8920: A bee flies into the woman’s pussy

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Wed, Oct 6, 2010
Time: 9:03 am

A couple making love outdoors when suddenly a bee flies into the woman’s pussy.

They go to a hospital where the doc say, “hmmm, with both ur permission I could put some honey on the tip of my dick & try to lure him out.”

So the doc put some honey on his dick’s tip & starts to gently push it in & out of the pussy. Soon he was pushing harder and harder up her pussy.

The boyfriend asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’ve changed my mind, I’m going to drown the bastard!”:-D

Text Message 8671: Let’s play wagwag

Category: Sex SMS
Subcategory:
By:
Date: Sun, Aug 22, 2010
Time: 8:14 pm

Boy: let’s play wagwag..

Girl: what’s that?

Boy: you’ll take your clothes off and i’ll lie on top of you and then you’ll say, Wag! Wag!

-Bob Ong