Adult Text Messages and Adult SMS Quotes

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Most liked SMS in Adult category

Text Message 8864: Banana Love Cake Recipe
(5 Facebook likes, 0 comment/s)

Banana Love Cake Recipe Ingredients: 2 whole nuts 1 whole banana 2 strong arms 2 well shaped legs 1 fur lined mixing bowl 4 loving eyes Instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze milk jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top with nuts. Move in and out until batter is well creamed. Sigh with relief, let cool. Do not lick bowl. If cake starts to rise, get out of town, PRONTO!!!:-D

Text Message 12905: People say I am naughty

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Fri, Dec 7, 2012
Time: 11:54 am

Gone are the days I was a kid when…

Pussy meant CAT,

Sex meant a GENDER,

Dick was a NAME,

Bang was a GUNSHOT,

SCREW was a mechanical part,

CLIMAX was simply an end,

DOGGY was just a dog,

Scissors, wheelbarrow, missionary were just words,

ROD was just an iron..

Uhhh!

But now that I’m grownup, I noticed they just sound so weird in public every time I mention them. People say I am naughty..

Text Message 12893: Taking a shit live

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Wed, Dec 5, 2012
Time: 10:57 am

Imagine you are in a public toilet and you’re taking a sh*t and then..

You see a note on the door:

“You are live on national television”

What would you do? :D

Text Message 12891: Whey they are both in love

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Wed, Dec 5, 2012
Time: 10:54 am

When girl is in love,
you can see it her smile.

When a guy is in love,
you can see it in his eyes.

Whey they are both in love,
they see each other in bed.:*

Text Message 12890: No Siemen was found

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Wed, Dec 5, 2012
Time: 10:54 am

A blonde was admitted to hospital after having phone sex.

Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 3 Motorolas and a Samsung..

But no SIEMEN was found.

Text Message 12868: Salary in my pocket

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Fri, Nov 30, 2012
Time: 11:24 am

On an overcrowded bus..

LADY: your THING is touching my bums.

MAN: Sorry, it’s my salary in my pocket.

LADY: I’ve felt that your salary increased 5 times during the last 10 minutes!

Text Message 12846: Out for girls night

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sun, Nov 25, 2012
Time: 12:41 pm

Two wives go out for girls night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning, one husband called the other and said, “No more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties.”

The other husband said, “You think that’s bad. Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, ‘from all of us at the fire station.. we’ll never forget you!”

Text Message 12844: With the same passion

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sun, Nov 25, 2012
Time: 12:41 pm

“You don’t make love to me with the same passion as you used to,” said the wife.

“Of course I do,” the husband said, “I just don’t want to spill my beer.”

Text Message 12842: Make love

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sat, Nov 24, 2012
Time: 9:58 am

Two old men are sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, “The most beautiful thing on earth is to still make love.”

“Maybe for you,” the other replies in a quavering voice. “But for me it’s Christmas, because it happens more often.”

Text Message 12838: Why buy the cow?

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Sat, Nov 24, 2012
Time: 9:51 am

“Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?”

Here’s an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage…:*

Text Message 12830: Pluck the turkey

Category: Adult SMS
Subcategory:
By: dirtyoldman
Date: Thu, Nov 22, 2012
Time: 9:32 am

“Oh dear God! James! What are you doing to the turkey?”

“Just what you said, Pa. You said to go out behind the barn, and..”

“PLUCK the turkey, James! I said PLUCK the turkey!”