Overheard after the 2012 U. S. Election…
“The election is over. My party lost, your party won. So let us be friends, let arguments pass. I’ll hug my elephant (symbol of the Republican Party) and you kiss your ass (symbol of the Democratic Party).:D
Text Message 12793: So you’re telling me AMALAYER?
Nanay: Anak! Nagaaral ka ba talaga?
Anak: Oo naman po nay!
Nanay: Eh bat ganito grades mo? Ang BABA!
Anak: So you’re telling me AMALAYER?!
(dedicated to the rude lady passenger who boarded the MRT yesterday at the Santolan station)
Text Message 12792: Fear has two meanings
F-E-A-R has two meanings:
1. Forget Everything And Run
or
2. Face Everything And Rise.
The Choice is Yours!
DO NOT BE AFRAID! Gandang araw!
Text Message 12791: Grammar is important
Grammar is important. Capital letters are the difference between “helping your Uncle Jack off a horse” and “helping your uncle jack off a horse.”
Text Message 12790: Lolo marunong mag english
APO: lolo marunong ka bang mag englis?
LOLO: oo naman hindi pa uso ang call center. marunong na akong mag english
APO: sige nga lo may epapa englis akosa iyo, ito lo e translate mo
“”ayaw ng kuto sa panahon ng mayo dahil pakyawan ang nagpapagupit”"
LOLO: Cotto doesn’t like Mayweather because of Pacquiao’s haircut…
Text Message 12789: Life is like a combination lock
Life is like a combination lock; your job is to find the right numbers in the right order, so you can have anything you want. Have a great day!
Text Message 12788: Pagkain na pinakamasama sa atin
Sa isang lecture sa baranggay hall.
DOKTOR: maraming pagkain ang masama para sa atin, tulad ng taba ng baboy, balat ng manok, betsin at softdrinks. pero meron ba sa inyong nakakaalam kung ano ang pagkain pinakamasama sa atin?
(nagtaas kamay si lolo)
DOKTOR: yes lolo… ano ang sagot?
LOLO: wedding cake
(binatukan siya ni lola)
Text Message 12787: Mga tao sa dilim
NOON: Takot ang mga tao sa dilim kasi takot sila sa kababalaghan na ginagawa ng mga maligno.
NGAYON: Tuwang tuwa mga tao sa dilim kasi sila naman ang gumagawa ng kababalaghan.
Text Message 12786: Know God’s phone number
Know God’s phone number,. It’s Jeremiah 33:3. “Call on me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things you do not know.” SHALOM!
Text Message 12759: Ask the blind man
Ladies & gents, hobos & tramps, bug-eyed mosquitoes & bowlegged ants! I’m going to tell you a story you’ve never heard before, so pull up a chair & sit on the floor. Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight. Back to back, they faced each other, drew their swords & shot each other. A deaf cop heard the shot & saved the lives of the 2 dead boys.
If you don’t believe my lies are true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
